Lemon Girl: I'm really no good at this. Really. Hitler would have been able to like Jews better than I can do this.

Him: Try again. You can't always keep failing!

Lemon Girl: Brilliant pep talk, you know.

Him: All you have to do is swallow up your ego and whatever it is you want to shout out loud and restrain the need to poke somebody with an ice pick. Can we do it?

Lemon Girl: No, we're fucked.

Him: Dammit! How will you ever have a social life?

Lemon Girl: I'll get therapy.

Him: And what are you doing till then?

Lemon Girl: *has brilliant idea* *starts scrubbing away microscopic particles of dust*

Him: *facepalm*

#Lesson for today: Being anal retentive is a great way to win arguments.


I promise to be nice if you promise to bring me one surprise every day.


The sexy librarian lives no more

So, I'm sitting in the comfort of my room, thinking that it's about time that I should get out there and spend some money when I realize that the roof just might fall on my head any minute and I'll be covered in strawberry coloured paint flakes that will stick on my hair like taffy.

That sucks because I just spent about an hour making sure that my hair looks like that perfect innocent yet sexy librarian every boy wants to get it on with. This look was promptly dismembered by my lovely doggie as I bent to retrieve my slippers from him.

So now I look dismembered and close to that hairy family fella in the Adams Family. This day is not going well. I throw umbrellas up in the air and they land bang on my head.

#Lesson for today: I'm going to be pernicious in relationships from now on.


And even though it means I can pick up six books for the price of one, I curse the people who didn't love their books enough to keep them safe.

It's like browsing for orphans in a crowded market place, where you feel no amount of love can make those books feel truly your's.

#Lesson for today: My alter-ego is delusional.



Dear Blog Readers,

Lemon Girl is currently crushing on a guy. Real Hard.

Lemon Girl does not know how to, or whether she should tell him at all. Lemon Girl would appreciate some advice.


Also, my dear blog readers know the guy.

#Lesson for today: >.<