Whom? Whom?

Douglas Adams said it was Mice, who were secretly controlling mankind.

Tom Holt says it is Frogs.

Whom to believe?

#Lesson for today: Mankind is definitely not controlling mankind.

Meme’d

Ten things you wish you could say to people right now:
~ I don’t like you much.
~ I really miss you but have too much pride to say so
~ I wish you didn’t love somebody else
~ Don’t stop believing in yourself, honey
~ You’re going down the wrong way, you’ll be sorry
~ If only we could spend every.waking.moment. together, I’d be happy
~ Come back please, you’ve been missed
~ Somewhere, there is somebody waiting for you. Patience
~ You make my heart burst into twenty thousand gazillion smiles
~ You do realize that I am always right?

Nine things about yourself:
- I like lemons
- and lemonade
- and animals
- and Questionable Content
- and wear mismatched clothes
- and forget where I was supposed to go
- and can’t get enough of books
- and can be found dancing to funny songs
- and having epiphanies by the hour (or week)

Eight ways to win your heart:
` Love my doggie
` Have good language skills. Good enough to be able to correct me
` Text me crazy lyrics at any point of the day
` Daydream with me, about me, for me
` Be interesting. Tell me what you like, everything. Fromquantamphysicstopoopjokes
` Know that it’s fine if I’m acting crazy. Act with me. Don’t tell me I’m crazy though.
` Don’t be gross. That’s my job.
` Read blog and comment liberally.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
- Would this have a Wikipedia entry?
- Oooooh, blog post!
- I am a ninja! I will make you my bitch!
- How did I end up like this? I used to be fine.
- But I’m happy ending up like this, I think.
- I want my own tragic kingdom. Or an hour in Narnia.

Six things you wish you never did:
~ Opened my mouth, to start with.
~ Given people the wrong idea.
~ Given advice
~ Dated (yes, I do regret having those particular boyfriend(s))
~ Stopped dancing
~ Maths

Five turn-offs:
- Over confidence.
- Facebook profiles.
- Thinking you’re already an important part of my life.
- Pragmatism.
- “I don’t read books/like animals”. Go die, fucker.

Four turn-ons:
- Books + Spectacles *drooooool*
- Lack of certain common senses.
- That wild, crazy look in the eyes that says I love you.
- The perfect hug.

Three things you want to do before you die:
- Write a book. A good one. A makes-me-filthy-stinking-rich-yet-the-love-of-all-age-groups one.
- Hug a panda.
- Love, properly.

Two smileys that describe you:
- B-)
- :-> (quite the smug bitch, I can be)

One confession:
I am a ninja. I make people my bitch!

#Lesson for today: Memes. Loath them, dislike them, you can’t ignore them.

Hello

I'm finally over with my internship. Woo-Hoo! What lemontastic lessons did I learn there, you ask?

#1. It is acceptable to use the words boobs on the world page of a newspaper but nowhere else.
(Read As: Indian women are not in possession of them; all foreigners are)

#2. All socialist news will include "Brinda Karat has commented".
(Read As: Only acceptable socialist hottie in our country)

#3. The day feels incomplete if the Maoists/Naxals/Kashmiri Militants didn't do anything news-worthy.
(Read As: This is how we sensationalize newspapers)

#4. Shashi Tharoor + Twitter = Newspaper Fodder
(Read As: He's easy to quote, why waste time anywhere else?)

#5. The AP ministry finds serving gur with tea instead of sugar as the only wholly undeniable proof of corruption.
(Read As: Much of the country is unknowingly corrupt)

#6. Sports story editors must inform the photography department of their stories at the earliest. Only photographs with 'interesting' positions will do.
(Read As: Not so sure myself.)

There were many more interesting instances that I cannot share for fear of my boss stumbling on to this link from my work bench. Don't worry though, I'll be putting them up as soon as I can run down to office and delete the browsing history :D

#Lesson for today: If you don't check on your ability to love every now and then, you may just forget how to.

Oh hell come ring this bell

The only true sign that I am not a delusion trapped in someone else's fantasy is that mosquitoes exist. Nobody cares enough for them, not even enough to let them enter the realms of a tragic kingdom.

Somewhere along the edge of your world, there is a feeling waiting to be found. You almost saw it once, but then the swirling dust storms grabbed it and fled. And then you wait, like a Djinn stuck in time at the same spot for years and years to know what it was. Nothing changes they say, you only change what you felt about it. Wonder once, malice now. Still, a touch of excitement lingers somewhere. One that sends you spiraling away till the earth cracks beneath your feet to make you stop.

And then you wake up, you've fallen out of love. No void to remember it by, just a touch of wanting to hang on longer. Just another day, with a mosquito buzzing near your ear.

#Lesson for today: If you stop caring so much, you'll start to love again.

Grumble

I think the neighbours must think I ritually slaughter peasants/have exceptionally amazing sex every now and then, judging by the sounds coming from my room. Loud screams, with sudden bouts of cheering and then some silence.

But as life would have it, neither of those two particularly appealing things is going on. The loud screams are a result of having gained weight in spite of giving up chocolates/chips/junk food/aerated drinks for a while now. The sudden bouts of cheering happen when a previously hated tee fits perfectly. The silence, when I fall asleep from being a depressive-maniac.

In further uninteresting news, I am yet again stuck at an internship. It has sucked away much of my dry wit and longing to be funny. Explains why you are reading the most boring post of this blog ever.

Except the sex part. Everybody likes sex parts.

#Lesson for today: If there is a God up there, he doesn't like lemons much.

Freud-ness

Lemon Girl: I'm really no good at this. Really. Hitler would have been able to like Jews better than I can do this.

Him: Try again. You can't always keep failing!

Lemon Girl: Brilliant pep talk, you know.

Him: All you have to do is swallow up your ego and whatever it is you want to shout out loud and restrain the need to poke somebody with an ice pick. Can we do it?

Lemon Girl: No, we're fucked.

Him: Dammit! How will you ever have a social life?

Lemon Girl: I'll get therapy.

Him: And what are you doing till then?

Lemon Girl: *has brilliant idea* *starts scrubbing away microscopic particles of dust*

Him: *facepalm*

#Lesson for today: Being anal retentive is a great way to win arguments.

I promise to be nice if you promise to bring me one surprise every day.

The sexy librarian lives no more

So, I'm sitting in the comfort of my room, thinking that it's about time that I should get out there and spend some money when I realize that the roof just might fall on my head any minute and I'll be covered in strawberry coloured paint flakes that will stick on my hair like taffy.

That sucks because I just spent about an hour making sure that my hair looks like that perfect innocent yet sexy librarian every boy wants to get it on with. This look was promptly dismembered by my lovely doggie as I bent to retrieve my slippers from him.

So now I look dismembered and close to that hairy family fella in the Adams Family. This day is not going well. I throw umbrellas up in the air and they land bang on my head.

#Lesson for today: I'm going to be pernicious in relationships from now on.

And even though it means I can pick up six books for the price of one, I curse the people who didn't love their books enough to keep them safe.

It's like browsing for orphans in a crowded market place, where you feel no amount of love can make those books feel truly your's.

#Lesson for today: My alter-ego is delusional.

Confession

Dear Blog Readers,

Lemon Girl is currently crushing on a guy. Real Hard.

Lemon Girl does not know how to, or whether she should tell him at all. Lemon Girl would appreciate some advice.

 

Also, my dear blog readers know the guy.

#Lesson for today: >.<

A hundred miles..

Life is fair and then unkind
And it's left me alone to find
It takes a hundred miles
To have faith in it once more.

Daddy dear, I love you so,
Momma, more than you'll ever know
Even if we're a hundred miles
away from home.

Can it be that we don't fight
And loving you will feel right
Coz my heart is a hundred miles
Away from you.

#Lesson for today: Go listen to 500 Miles by Roseanne Cash. Go now, Shoo!

*cough cough*

#Lesson for today: It is very, very embarrassing to be caught singing 'Promiscuous Girl' out loud inside the metro. Especially when it is with a look of rapt enjoyment on one's face.