The heart must have what it wants...

It is not a fall from grace to have given up all pretensions and loved you fully. For now I know that it true when they say that you were borne of my imagination and romanced in it till I was ready to know the flesh-and-bones you. I was predestined to be, to fit the curves of your body like I readily do. Every night, your face is mine to observe and adore in the twinkle of those far away stars and so you creates a night so wonderous that one cannot help but fall in love with the cool detachment of the moonlight and forget how it feels to stand under the warming rays of the morning sun. You are mine against all odds and heartbreaks, especially those we were sure to remember beyond time itself.

I cannot challenge the sweetness of the whispered promises or the passionate surge of tears when I see you cry. Yet some days force me to wonder, they lead my thoughts asunder. Especially when the thunder rolls about and I can disguise my sorrows in admiration for the blinding light. I can only hope the same spectacle is beheld by you, standing a thousand cities away from my heart. Still, how much does distance matter when I hear you sing my weary mind to sleep?

I am thankful for you, mostly when your actions convince me that I have been ensnared in a plot, a conspiracy to make the world beautiful again. What else could have bathed the skies in heart warming hues and colours, when I had all but forgotten what they meant to me. Like today, when walking amongst the flaming rows of Laburnums and Gulmohars, I forget my multitude of heartbreaks and let go of wretched doubtfulness. You were mine to begin with and you will be mine when all has ended.

#Lesson for today: Pick a flower, press it your heart, tell it all your secrets and then walk away.

Insert heavy sigh..

What I speak to the stars is between their glimmer and me.
What I cast into the night is our secret to keep.
What I cannot say for fear of breaking my own heart,
is for the endless reams of crumpled paper to feel.

Goodbye, Farewell..

The heat is oppressive and the weather is desultory, making us restless. It doesn't feel like home inside the Studio anymore. Not like the way it used to. Nothing pulls us back to the doors, telling us to stay. It seems like we're lying in wait, to shut those doors and never look back. This is not the way it was supposed to end. No, nobody would have imagined it like this.

These are the last days of our college life. It should have been beautiful, with us reminiscing and becoming nostalgic. We should have been making plans for the future, ways to spend more time together after we've left. Only now we bicker and mourn over the loss of time and precious memories that we could have been creating. Frustration has replaced the tinge of sadness that permeates through our moods at the end of three wonderful years. For we are crying still, only we know it is not love that fuels our tears. The winds of change betray us at every step.

We wanted to step out gracefully, with time slowly fading our memories away. Fate has different plans for us, plans that make us trip and fall on our way out. We have fallen on our faces and never once been picked back up with care. All our fragility has been forgotten, replaced by hard hearts and attitudes. Is this what a farewell truly feels like, as if you weren't even wanted in the first place?

Our time as students has all but left us exhausted, in certain ways. For each other, for the times we shared, we'll do it all over again. At least that is what we say to assure ourselves that we will pick up where we left off. There is one heartstring that knows better, we would not want to go through the last few months again.

#Lesson for today: It's time to leave. Whether we want to or not. I only wish it would have been a fond memory.

^_^

I'm addicted to 9GAG.com. That would explain my current absence from Blogger. #Lesson for today: 502 pages into the site, I realize I love the internet way too much.

Looking at the descriptive entries about my classmates and their achievements in the college, I feel relieved I did not nominate myself for any award.

I pity the girl who would have to work up my citation. If left in my hands, it would read something like,

"Lemon Girl is mostly fat, existential, retarded and profound about it. College has never held any special appeal for her, apart from the canteen samosas. She can be found looking rather concerned at her growing waist-line in the makeup room or being injured by tripods. Lemon Girl has a number of other interests that shall remain undescribed for fear of her abandoning them temporarily. She is known to emulate a certain TV character quite well and is the epitome of the kind of person your mother always wanted you to be. Only not so much."

#Lesson for today: I believe I saved myself a lot of ridicule. :D

Dear Lemon Boi

Dear Lemon Boi,
I love you.
Always

How do I not love him?

From the moment I wake up, he is on my mind and in my thoughts. Wishing him morning is now a priority when I wake up. Talking to him all day long makes time slow down and speed up without notice. The sun is brighter, even for the girl who doesn't like sunshine so much. There is a permanent smile on my face and my heart. His face is just perfect. Just perfect, I tell you. With him, the love flows naturally. It asserts itself in the face of many objections on my part.

His voice sounds poetic to me. Especially when he sings, you know. He is the perfect size for a bear hug.

More than all of that, he is sort of the character that I would have found lurking in a novel somewhere. The kinds that my mind and heart both rapidly lend themselves to. He is my 42, the one who gives me perspective. He knows how to calm me down in my hyper-paranoid state. Just right now, he was talking in a silly punjabi sort of accent to cheer me up.

Why would I ever want to stop loving him?

It's four degrees outside. Which is hardly fair. Ya toh itna cold ho ki snow man ban jaye ya phir naa ho.

Dilli ki sardi mujhe samajh nahi aati.

#Lesson for today: On days when your brain is too clogged up with mucous to have a come-back beyond Pffft, Best-Friend will turn out to be irrefutably correct about all things in general.

Sometimes

Do you sometimes hear a song and unconsciously sway in time. Know that you'll be humming it till late in the evenings and the mornings to come. Figure it will stay on your playlist till your player dies out and gives in. Forget everything but the way it seeps through your thoughts and overwhelms the world.

Do you sometimes read a book and find a friend in the pages. Love them with all sincerity and expect wonderful advice at the drop of a hat. Ask them about the moons and stars far away, about clouds in the sky. Cry to them when the world feels unfair and wrong. Pretend to ignore them so that they may call out to you in the midst of a fierce summer wind.

Do you sometimes look back through albums and faded photographs. Look for people that you have seldom talked with; only observed through corners of your eye. Recall instances that seem like your own, yet make you a stranger in a strange land. Create characters in your head that amuse you for hours at an end.

Do you sometimes look at someone across the room and freeze. Think that the ground beneath your feet just moved a little. Look into their eyes to find a steady reassuring gaze surrounding you, getting you drunker than the wine in your hands. Breathe while pinching yourself, for you have found one more alike soul to banter with.

#Lesson for today: We do. We all do.

We'll romanticize everything.

Memories, train journeys.

Yearning, tiny little habits,

Shoes, a universe full of clues.

A sudden rush of cold breeze,

Streets, doors that shall creak.

We'll romanticize everything,

But we'll never romance anything.

I'm your man, said Cohen

There is usually a fair amount of conjecture involved as to why anybody should ever want a boyfriend. Of late, I too have been thinking hard about my reasons for wanting a boyfriend. In all honesty, I can say that the only reason I want a boyfriend is so that he can put on Leonard Cohen's "I'll Be Your Man" in the background and slow dance with me.

That is all I would want from him.

I've been thinking and have come to the decision that I will soon be ending most of my 'online only' friendships. Except for a few people who have truly become a part of my life, I will be ceasing conversation with these people. It's become rather hard to be this involved with each other and not be actually involved in everyday life. I expect a little too much from them and it's not fair, is it?

There is a new show airing in the US, called Bridalplasty. It is scary, like horror-that-is-network-executives scary. The point of the show is for women to contest against each other so that they can get plastic surgery done post each task. Liposuction, Enhancement, Tummy tucks. You name it, they'll do it. The winner gets a dream wedding. All the grooms-to-be lose, cuz their fiancee's are now freaks.

#Lesson for today: Slow music, slow simmering love.

Too bad, girlie.

It seems I'm a person made entirely of words and every boy out to win my heart has left his dictionary at home. I'm grateful for the few boys who have learnt it by heart, though.

Too bad they're never going to be mine.


It has come to be that I think I have fallen in love. With exactly (1) person, region, language and lifestyle.

Too bad I've no time for any of them.


It seems I currently look the best I have in years.

Too bad there is nobody to quite appreciate it.


It is a great joy that friends have found good friends in far away lands, boyfriends and work that keeps them happy.

Too bad that they seem to have forgotten about me.


The world is conspiring to make me feel a little more melancholy each day and cheat heavily on my healthy eating mode.

#Lesson for today: Too bad that's not happening.

Lights will guide you home

What is it about a camera that can turn the most notorious festival-mood-killer into a ball of happiness and joy at the idea of lighting candles?

Happy Diwali, everybody.

#Lesson for today: Hair make for engaging travel companions.