Today I look at you, with a claim to be fine that you love another woman. You take a step back and say with all the confidence in the world, "We'll be fine, I'll always love you". You make a motion to hug me, but I move back. Part fear and part lust compels me to stay away. Sometimes distance is the only cure we seek.
As the rain works its way down my hair, I recall with clarity the day. Our first kiss, the first embrace after what seems like forever. The first admission of reality. This silence has not been easy on either of us. You chide me for what I start to explain, you know all of it already. I come as no surprise, just relief. Welcome peace and relief.
With the dance of the morning rays comes a new problem for us. She still exists, even if miles away. You stand nearer than before but I choose to blur your face. You don't take to being forgotten kindly. We smile, we laugh and we pretend like everything is the same as it was before. The only difference is that once we desired and now it has been reduced to an I. You'll always have her by your side while I love from afar, playing back the moments in my mind.
No my darling, it wasn't a mistake. You were conscious of every movement of the wind. Me of my place right by your side. It was meant to be, I'd once announced. How restless you had been. A lover, a friend, a spare soul sometimes even. But now, months have passed. Kisses forgotten, languid love songs exchanged and hummed into the night. Flirtatious giggles have dissolved in a sudden, singular tear.
Today I decide to let you go. Make sure you never mean more to me than my best friend, no strings attached.
And today you show me why you claim to be mean. You make it impossible to give it up. You refuse to be given up.
