Today I look at you, with a claim to be fine that you love another woman. You take a step back and say with all the confidence in the world, "We'll be fine, I'll always love you". You make a motion to hug me, but I move back. Part fear and part lust compels me to stay away. Sometimes distance is the only cure we seek.

As the rain works its way down my hair, I recall with clarity the day. Our first kiss, the first embrace after what seems like forever. The first admission of reality. This silence has not been easy on either of us. You chide me for what I start to explain, you know all of it already. I come as no surprise, just relief. Welcome peace and relief.

With the dance of the morning rays comes a new problem for us. She still exists, even if miles away. You stand nearer than before but I choose to blur your face. You don't take to being forgotten kindly. We smile, we laugh and we pretend like everything is the same as it was before. The only difference is that once we desired and now it has been reduced to an I. You'll always have her by your side while I love from afar, playing back the moments in my mind.

No my darling, it wasn't a mistake. You were conscious of every movement of the wind. Me of my place right by your side. It was meant to be, I'd once announced. How restless you had been. A lover, a friend, a spare soul sometimes even. But now, months have passed. Kisses forgotten, languid love songs exchanged and hummed into the night. Flirtatious giggles have dissolved in a sudden, singular tear.

Today I decide to let you go. Make sure you never mean more to me than my best friend, no strings attached.

And today you show me why you claim to be mean. You make it impossible to give it up. You refuse to be given up.


Sherry Wasandi said...

This is... lyrical.
No better word comes to mind.

Wait. "Rapturous" maybe.

Makes me need to listen to sappy sad music.

You seem to be exceptionally skilled at this particular genre of writing. I'm singularly impressed.

Lemon Girl said...

Listening to a lot of Imogen Heap has one main byproduct and it happens to be a genre like this. :)

Thank you loads, fear of being personal on the blog had me postpone this for over a month. But now, I think it's a good way to vent and connect with others.

Tangled up in blue... said...

This makes me so sad.

Makes me want to dance around in circles, hugging myself with "Never Let Me Go" playing in my head.

But dont they say, love is in the letting go?

Why are some parts of life so hard anyway?

Tangled up in blue... said...

This is such wonderful writing..makes me feel like I'm letting go vicariously..:)

Lemon Girl said...

Because if life were so easy, then we wouldn't have any interesting blogs to read or write!!

Having so many people letting go vicariously is making it fun and easy. I see one of the advantages of a kitty party now. :D

Tangled up in blue... said...

To Lemon Girl:

Yup, you're so right! Tragedy maketh the best blogs! :D

Ooh, kitty parties do serve a purpose after all.. ;)

Rene Lacoste said...

This strongly reminds me of Joan Baez's Diamonds and Rust..

Lemon Girl said...

@TUIB: Indeed it does. Along with a dash of feel good-ness. Like shooting stars. :D. We should totally have a blog kitty one day!

@Rene: Joan Baez.. Oh yes, the activist right? I love her songs. Delighted to hear this!