'Effing toothache

I have the worst tooth day ever.

One side has an errant wisdom tooth. The other just got two fillings. The upper jaw cannot chew food on its own.

#Lesson for today: Bloody Teeth! Get friggin' dentures people.

I (haven’t) lost that loving feeling

You still blow me away with those eyes of yours. Every time I enter a room, I know you'll be there looking at me. With that perfect innocent expression once again. It doesn't escape my notice y'know, I can tell you've done something wrong. I still forgive you. Your eyes still make me love.

I want it to be the last time that your butterfly kisses sway me over. The touch of your hair makes me happy, I hate it and I love you more. I want it to be the last time that I snuggle up to you but you move away. Unconsciously conscious of my lightest touch.

I love the way you worry when I'm home late from college. You pretend not to care, but I can see you missed me when I'm not around for that long. You hate the way I sing and the way I make you waltz with me. Don't think I can't see the look in your eyes when I clear my throat even. Yes, you make me crazy in love and crazier still.

You don't want me to talk for too long on the phone with my friends. They can hear your mumbling grudges. They say nothing. I tell them, you're the cutest. You are, you are the best there ever could be. For without you, I can't be happy for long. I miss you much. Even though you're here, you can be so far away.

For without you my dog, my lowve, I am not the quintessential dog lover that I am known to be.

(P.S. No boy-friends, boyfriends or boys in general would ever make go eloquent and love-lorn like that)

#Lesson for today: I A.D.O.R.E. my dog. He's the best.

So I hear

Mumma told me I'm scary. Why?

Apparently last night I was talking in my sleep again and muttering something about how I am a much better actress than Helena Bonham Carter. And I was doing all of this in an old-British-lady accent. With the over pronounced 'you' and everything.

Funny, I didn't even know I resented Carter.

#Lesson for today: Sleep more, since you can be much better than Helena Bonham Carter that ways.

In defence of Karma…

Not that it needs any form of defence.

Karma works, it exists. I don't say that simply because I don't want to admit that I am responsible directly for all that does not go right for me. You can see it happening. Let's the take the example of 4 countries how their Karma is working in overdrive.

1. The USA
They had everything going right for them till they decided to bomb Japan and ruin Vietnam. They tried to interfere where they didn't belong and forgot that they maybe a superpower but they are still a very young country. Almost like a small child who wants too much. Post 2000, they have had every kind of bad karma upon them. Just when they thought it's over, the Iraq war came back to haunt them via recession. Maybe now, USA just might learn.

2. Britain
They were imperialists who were not ready to let the world be. They brought on a lot of wars and a lot of sadness to many. They were defeated many times over. Their entire history has been a Karmic war. They have suffered as much as they have made others suffer. Britain is now a shadow of what it used to be and invariably less happy than its European counterparts.

3. India
We've led a good life and then a bad life. We've been on a roller coaster of luck. At the end of it all, we are still boorish and uncultured but we spit at those who remind us of what goes on inside our homes. Indian students being attacked in Australia, I call that Karma for being such a louts and low life's when dealing with the North Easterners and foreigners.

4. Pakistan
A few bad decisions made by one power hungry man has led to their complete destruction. There is civil strife and terrorists. Allegations and shame faced admissions. There is death to those who least deserve it. It is their Karma but I still cannot help wonder if it isn't simply the bad wishes of those who live across their border.

To those who might be wondering, I'm not big into Karma or anything. This just kind of struck me on a long drive back home.

#Lesson for today: Maybe, just maybe the things you will do can come back to you. Why take a chance?

It’s Official

I have developed a nervous tic coz of the never ending fear of being caught doing something absolutely unproductive by the boss man. Not that they would kick me out or sacrifice me to the goat gods if they did catch me. I lack the ability to fully process even the simplest of instructions. If it's a two step process, be sure I shall forget one. If it's just the one step, I'll forget the whole thing. Adding to that, Logic is a bully and continually kicks my ass.

It's actually interesting to see the look on my boss's face when he realized I have goofed something again, in face of tremendous odds. It's like, lightning striking at the same place, process, person etc, a few times now. I keep no less than five windows open, with at least two spreadsheets and one company-website-related page. And then I fall into a music-coma when they are calling me. Makes not for a good impression, I can tell you that.

I wonder if home made brownies and some cake would impress them…

#Lesson for today: Note to Lemon Girl – WORK instead of writing posts cribbing about work

 

Office.. *Sigh*..

Well me lovelies, I have an announcement. i jest you not, but I have finally taken up an internship. At an actual office - doing office related things - work work - type of internship. I somehow, unimaginably so, got bored of snoozing my ass off. Day after day after day.

I won't say its not fun because it is actually good fun for an office job. But it's not my kinda job. To be honest, my kinda job is strictly being given creative freedom to pursue what ever the heck I want, which is why I had my sights set on being a columnist for so long. A little more than a week at the job, people seem to recognize me. I suppose that is a good thing. Im not exactly the best at making new friends. I wait for the misfits to gravitate towards me. But I digress.

Im doing well here, with funny bosses and PMS-prone colleagues. For the life of me, I don't understand exactly why I feel my boss thinks I'm a dodo. Maybe it has something to do with the deer-in-headlights look I get when he comes calling. He wears a nice deodorant though. Makes it nice having him stand above my head. Maybe I'm crushing on him. Then again, that's normal.

#Lesson for today: My boss and all other bosses luuurrrrvvvveee Spreadsheets. Learn Them!

*Ahem*

I earned some money, for the first time.

The first salary.

Parteh!

#Lesson for today: Earning your money AND not paying it's tax is awesome.

Conversations

Free messaging + Lots of time + Nothing to talk about = Conversations with my best friend.

Her: Dekha jo tujhe yaar, dil mein baji guitar
Me: Aap jaisa koi meri zindagi mein aaye, toh baat ban jaye.. oh ho ho ho.. Baat ban jaye..

Her: Hum bane, tum bane, ek duje ke liye!
Me: Teri gali vich aake, patiala peg lagake, deewani main pagal main talli ho gayi.. Main talli, main talli, main talli ho gayi..

Her: Mere bhole baalam, mere pyaare baalam.. Mera jeevan tere bina, o mere piya.. Hai woh diya jisme tel naa ho!!
Me: Raat baaki.. Baat baaki.. Hona hai jo.. Ho jaane dooooooo..

Her: Raat akeli hai, bujh gaye diya.. Aake mere paas, baahon mein mere.. Jo bhi chaahe kahiye, jo bhi chaahiye kahiye..!!
Me: Oh mummy mummy, oh daddy daddy. Oh mummy daddy, ho jayo ready. Jisse meri shaadi hogi, aaj maine woh ladki dhoond li hai!!

Over the course of days, we went from classics, to horrendous remixes to classic songs that we remixed ourselves. If big brother is indeed monitoring our conversations, he has probably considered rendering us incommunicado many a times.

#Lesson for today: Crass lyrics from govinda/mithun da songs are the best for good times.

Cricket: Evolutions

We started with Test Cricket. Five whole days of *non-stop* fun. If you had not much else to do, that is.

We graduated to ODI's. Faster, funner and with the added ability for us to distinguish between the teams. Though, I presume that's simply because colour televisions became all the rage.

After many many years of decreasing attention spans and IQ levels, we received with much pomp & splendor, the form of Twenty-Twenty Cricket. Only three hours required as compared to the laborious 7 otherwise. Apparently watching Football, only an hour and a half long is out of the question.

And give it 10 more years and we'll simply have the Coin Toss Cricket! Buuutt. It needs to be interesting, right? Thus the team will consist of:
1. The Captain
2. A weather guy, to ensure that the winds are in favour.
3. A statistician, to point out the law of averages.
4. A cynic, to point out Murphy's Law.
5. A body-builder, to make sure the captain's thumb is in good flicking order.
6. A scientist, to make sure the aerodynamics of the stadium are just right.
7. A video - analyst, to explain in Slo-Mo what went wrong.
And finally,
8. A voo-doo person cum coin collecter, to make sure the coin is well prepared.

#Lesson for today: Yes, I don't like 20-20 cricket all that much, I'm still rooting for the ODI's.

Caterpillars, Cocoons, Butterflies

Things that I didn't think were possible:

1. Me listening to Gangsta' Rap by someone known as Pitbull

2. Me developing a parallel love-hate relationship with Facebook. I was just gushing about it to my facebook-challenged friend a few days before. I believe this has something to do with the fact that every five seconds it has been updating itself with the same feeds. My homepage resembles a gramophone with the pin stuck.

3. Me being good at poker. I suck at pulling bluffs, keeping money with me is not a strong point and I still don't know what a royal flush is. I have a sneaking suspicion it's nothing more than the Queen's jewel-encrusted Flush.

4. Bob Dylan to have gotten even better than ever before with his latest album.

5. The Bro Code.

6. Sex while windsurfing. Thanks for ruining my mental imagery of water sports as merely water sports, Enrique. I'll be there when you come to India, bottle of acid in hand.

#Lesson for today: Delhi is hot. Very hot.

Back!

Hello Children, I'm back.

For all those who missed me (:D), college holidays started and my brains went into a temporary decline. After two weeks of lolling around on the bed and drooling on the pillow, I think they've jump started right back. Thank you Subnormality, you are the baap of all comics.

On a different note, I realized exactly why wearing tight jeans and off-shoulder tops combined with dating a single person is so against Indian Culture. All those Sena people were so right.

While watching the video for "Jiya Jale" last night, I figured, So this is what Indian Culture is all about!! You wear extremely short blouses that barely contain your breasts, showing off your midriff to all and sundry. You don't wear tight jeans, you wear tiny shorts that cling to you after you have been skinny dipping in water with an equally naked SRK and about twenty other men. And also, you dance in waterfalls while those twenty men leer at you and then you proceed to shamelessly dry hump SRK in the water. All this time, SRK is in love with your sister or something and yet continues to dry hump you, this time amidst twenty under clad women.

Then of course, you could be an item girl. You are paid to gyrate on the silver screen in an open courtyard. But this is all acceptable as long as you are not in a pub or anything. Because drinking desi daaru in front of a collection of leering louts is more cultured than drinking cocktails with your boyfriend. As is obvious, those drunk louts are more gentlemanly than your average sweet city boy can be. This girls and boys, is the true Indian Culture. Learn to appreciate it.

#Lesson for today: Gyrating shamelessly isn't against our culture. Merely dancing peacefully, is.

About being human

Just when you've done your bit for society and the ones who live on the fringes of it, feeling human and so proud of yourself, you go and fall in love with cyanide and happiness.

http://www.explosm.net/comics/352/

#Lesson for today: I actually thought that I'm no longer a full-on cynic. Sad.